Throw Me the Statue, Skully's, 4/1/08

Throw Me the Statue

Tuesday evening at Skully’s started off horribly. Doors opened at 9 pm for the free Throw Me the Statue show, and I arrived a little before 10 pm, catching most of the first opener, I Against the Tower. I’m not sure who decided to pair this band with TMST, but it made no sense. I Against the Tower attempted to rip off Taking Back Sunday but didn’t come close. The guitars drowned out every other instrument, and that was actually OK because all the singer did was flop his hair and swing his mic before emitting unintelligible, piercing emo screams.

The whole set was painfully immature in almost every way, which will be hard for these guys to hear since apparently the band isn’t used to criticism. When someone in the mostly empty bar cheekily yelled “Try harder,” the singer repeatedly threatened to beat the heckler and defecate on his car. C’mon, man. Grow up. Not everyone is going to like you. In fact, judging by the set, most people won’t like you, and you’re not going to endear anyone to your band that way.

In contrast, the second band, Red Hypergiant, seemed like really nice guys, but they also happened to play second-rate grunge. The sludgy guitar accompanied the singer’s nondescript vocals in such an unmemorable way that it was almost painful. It’s the type of material that would have sounded uninspired and recycled in 1995. And vocal reverb can’t disguise dismal songs.

These two openers were the worst Columbus bands I’ve seen in a while, and I’m not one to use superlatives superfluously. I couldn’t handle anymore, so I retreated mid-set, meandering down to White Castle for some Columbus comfort food to rejuvenate my soul. After resting my ears, filling my belly with “hamburgers” and surrendering the last of my pocket change to a Short North roamer, I returned to Skully’s with a tired but optimistic outlook for the rest of the evening.

Eric Metronome and friends took the stage and played a tentative but competent set of indie folk-pop. Metronome is a much more obvious choice to be paired with Throw Me the Statue, though his set turned out to be much more mellow. And that’s OK. The ukulele tunes were nice, the xylophone and quiet keys added pleasant textures and Metronome himself was a convincing reincarnation of Elliott Smith, if a bit less tortured. “Call It a Day” stood out from the rest, as did the Willie Nelson cover “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.”

I thought for sure that Skully’s would finally kill the ever-present disco ball lights and amp up the stage lighting for Seattle’s Throw Me the Statue, but no such luck. Taking the headliner spot at 1 am, TMTS got the criminally sparse crowd moving, but only for about half an hour, and not as well as it could have.

Don’t get me wrong, the band, led by multi-instrumentalist Scott Reitherman, has some great songs. I’ve been loving its Secretly Canadian debut, Moonbeams. “Yucatan Gold” worked even better live, and the head-bobbing beats and infectious melodies of “Young Sensualists” and “About to Walk” were treats. “This Is How We Kiss,” one of Reitherman’s several tales of amorous encounters, wasn’t bad, either.

But other songs that worked well on record, such as “Lolita,” merely showcased Reitherman’s limited vocal range live, especially in those upper echelons. And thanks to an overly ambitious and loquacious keyboardist, many of the harmonies were off, too. By no means do these guys need to be choir boys, but with indie pop this catchy, sing-along vocals are essential.

The cover of Guided By Voices’ “My Valuable Hunting Knife” was a nice touch for the encore, but for a set that short and that average, it just wasn’t worth the wait.